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But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them

2009-06-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

By Kimberly Pruitt

June 9, 2009

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

no one is ever gonna love you more than I do

2007-11-29T22:10:00.000-08:00

It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard

Rules for a platonic relationship

2006-11-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can’t let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.

4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.

5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends' job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.

6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.

7. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. Don't worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I’ll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.

8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I’m going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don’t even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.

12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.

13. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn't want the main event. Besides, shouldn’t your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren’t we dating again?

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.

15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don't want to hear any, "Stop smoking", or "Don't drink so much," or "Don't use women." Of course if I am truly being an asshole in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.

16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I’m only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.

don't love you no more

2006-09-09T23:13:00.000-07:00

goodbye

2006-09-08T21:17:00.000-07:00

to be more than that...

2006-09-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

gets me everytime...

2006-08-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

happy

2006-07-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Listen to the sound of my head pounding
Wish that it was make-believe
Praying for the skies to open up and
Wash away your memory

- s.j.

2006-06-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

So it's been a few months since I've last blogged. Long story short, I've been busy.

I started a new job in May at SanDisk. I had fun my first stint in the corporate setting. My contract was for a month and a half. But towards the end, they asked me to stay on. Thing is, I got offered another job at Mervyn's corporate and it payed signifantly more.

Um, what else, oh yeah! I finally graduated from USF. Got my degree. I hate to say it but I'll miss school. I'm still thinking of going back to get my master's but...do I really wanna add 20 grand to my debt? I better decide soon, I start making payments on my student loans once winter comes around.

I'm having a decent fun time at work. Good people. Mad hours. Nice pay. Nothing wrong with that. And plus, a job I can finally dress up for. It does seem silly walking around on my hands and knees under peoples' desks in a nice shirt and slacks.

When you finally turn around

2006-06-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

I pray that when the sun goes down on everything you've done
Whoever's arms your sleeping in will warm you like the sun
I hope your dreams are peaceful, I hope your sleep is sound
And you are satisfied with what you found.

2006-04-19T02:09:00.000-07:00

My cousin gave me this drawing for my birthday. I thought it was really sweet of her=) You're the best, Alexys!

You had a bad day...

2006-04-04T02:29:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you have to go through the bad to get to the good.

2006-03-24T00:55:00.000-08:00

I know the video quality is crap. But the song and performance is 100% totally opposite of crap.

David Ryan Harris - For You

Birthday Wish #2

2006-03-22T15:26:00.000-08:00

Sara, originally uploaded by akoni86.

XBOX360 Update! "Birthday wishes DO come true..."

2006-03-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

You guys are the best! Hopefully it'll be here before my birthday! For some reason, I'm not so sad I'm turning the big three-o anymore.

It's not too late to sign up for the best thing since sliced bread!
Click the banner!

My TOP50!

2006-03-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

****UPDATE!!!!****
Thank you so so so much guys! We did it! Thanks to everyone who signed up I have more than the 36 referrals I need. I'm awaiting confirmation of the prize from the site. I'll keep you guys posted. I'm adding more people to my list. Maybe I can get enough for a second XBOX=) Spread the word!

So here's the deal. I found a new way to pay eachother. It's like paypal, but I think it's geared more for friends and family. It's called TextPayMe and all you need is a cellphone. It's totally free and in NO way involves your cell phone carrier.
It's a great way to:

-split the check at restaurants
-pay back people for buying tickets
-PERFECT for poker
-chipping in for presents

Anyhoo, I need to get referrals from 36 people, and I get a freakin new XBOX360.

The catch is, The deadline is TODAY, 12:00p.m. March 18, 2006! SO please, help me out=)

I just wanted to give some thanks to the following people! They all pitched in for my early birthday present. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart! You wanna join the list of MY FAVORITE PEOPLE? Click the banner below:

1. Jen

2. Tricia

3. Jon

4. Jessica

5. Espi

6. Joanne

7. Uncle Armando
8. Anthony

9. Wes

10. Talia

11. Mike

12. The Bazzers

13. Raniel

14. Drey

15. Auntie Miriam
16. Mom

17. Cynthia

18. Ryan

19. Stephanie

20/21. Auntie Nena and Uncle Barry
22. Arlene

23. Francis

24. Tobi

25. Neil

26. Auntie Edna
27. Dad

28. Rochelle

29. Justin

30. Daniel
31. Ben
32. Ella

33. Myra

34. Matthew (paid referral)

35. Jenna (paid referral)

36. Derrick (paid referral)

37. Uncle Joe
38. Auntie Andy
39. Uncle Boy
40. Uncle Orly
41. Ron

DJ 86 in the mix

2006-01-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

To kick off the new year, I thought I'd finally do one of the many things I've put off for so long. Little by little I've collected all the things I need to create my own studio. And that time, my friends has finally come.

A big thank you to my cousin Jon who hooked me up with some kool programs to get me started. So in short here is my first attempt at producing=) It's nothing big, just a little something I put together last night. Without Further Ado, here it is:

P.S. For you Star Wars fans who havent heard this song yet, enjoy!
Tell me what you think.

MC Chris - Fett's Vette (86 remixx)

How do you deal?

2006-01-07T15:45:00.000-08:00

I'm all in!!!!

2005-03-16T00:26:00.000-08:00

allin.jpg
Originally uploaded by akoni86.

A group of us have been getting together to play hold'em a couple times a month. Instead of playing for money, we've decided to play for gifts. Gifts?! How does that work? you might ask. Well, whoever wins, gets a $10 dollar gift from everyone else. Everyone signs on to Amazon.com and makes a wish list. It's sorta like a gift registry. It's pretty kool. That way we don't feel too poor after we lose. And in an 8 player game, thats 70 buckaroos!

The picture above is of the hand I won. I went all in pre-flop with suited Ace/Queen. Wes called my bet with suited Ace/Queen as well. Normally we would just split the pot. But as you can see, I won with a flush on the river(last card). Amazing I tell ya!

stranded at the drive-in

2005-03-15T23:40:00.000-08:00

I just love Grease?! not as much as Grease 2 though =)
Originally uploaded by akoni86.

I met this girl at church 2 Sundays ago. She was sitting in a pew by herself so I thought why not, there weren't many empty places to sit anyway. Well, we started out sitting on separate sides of the pew. But somewhere between the standing, sitting and kneeling, we ended up elbow to elbow. There was even a time when we crossed our legs towards eachother. I almost laughed out loud. Oh man, during the Our Father, my left leg started to shake. It was so embarassing. I had to use the column to my right for balance.

Anyways, since I didn't want to punk out like usually do. I struck up a conversation during the meditation after communion. She's new to Hayward. She lives in the new CityWalk near downtown. She graduated CSUH 4-5 years ago. Finally my age range. We hit off but unfortunately she had to run off during the closing song. I thought that it was okay, I'll just see her next time church.

Well party people, no dice. She was a no show at All Saints. I was kinda bummed. Okay, really bummed. But that's okay. Maybe next time. At least I'm out there right?
It's gonna be slow going at first but who knows?!

With every up there is a down

2005-03-14T14:27:00.000-08:00

Whatever mojo that was surrounding me last week is no more.

1. I lost a hold 'em game on Saturday.
2. I realized that I still have some units to cram if I want to graduate on time.
3. Something I waited for all week fell through.
4. corazón quebrado otra vez
5. Got no money
6. I'm turning 29 in a couple weeks.
7. I think I'm actually depressed that I'm depressed.

It's time for me to accept that some things are just not meant to be. God has something else planned for me. And whatever that may be, I'm ready.

Is it just me or...

2005-03-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

There's some serious mojo going around.

all around the world, same song

2004-11-04T19:34:00.000-08:00

Originally uploaded by akoni86.

Yes, I did just quote Digital Underground.
Why? Because I'm in class and I'm so bored out of my mind. Staying awake is proving to be an uphill struggle. It's pretty much a repeat of last week. I can't wait til this course is over. Dec.2 is a month away.

almost there...stay on target

2004-10-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

Wedge
Originally uploaded by akoni86.

I just started the last course before the big break, woo-hoo! This break will be from Dec.9 - Jan.27. That's almost 2 months folks. Too frickin bad this last course is such a bore. Why else would I be blogging in the middle of class?

Anyhoo, I've been quite busy lately. Good news first. I got an A in my Java programming class. I was a bit apprehensive about this course, but it turned out pretty okay. Granted I still can't program crap, but at least I understand how code works.

It feels actually quite liberating to be my own boss. I've concentrated most of my efforts as COO dealing with the information systems of the company. After all, it's my major anyway. It all works out. Only problem is, I've used up alot of my savings to cover my self-employed ass. =) Regardless I'm quite optimistic of how everything's going.

On the love life situation. I see my close friends, and I see how they are in their relationships and I find myself thinking when will it be my time, or if there will ever be one. I know most of you have been wondering what's been up with me. And I'm sure you guys are convinced I have a girlfriend. So to answer all your questions and curiousity, yes I do have a girlfriend.

Just kidding. Although I have been crushing on this girl Sara for a few months now. I wish I could say that it looks promising, but at the moment, I feel that it's better that we remain friends. And plus, it's very rare that we get a chance to hang out. The times we do see eachother are few and far between. But I must say, the few times that we do get to see eachother are pure magic.

So rest assured party people, I'm quite the same fellow you know and love. There's nothing "going on" with me. I just got alot of stuff on my plate. So on that note, I'd like to leave you with a little something. It's a song that's been on my mind lately.

I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you
I'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes
and they all fall down.

And as I lay me down tonight,
I close my eyes, what a beautiful sight

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
But I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

I found myself in the riches (Your eyes, your lips, your hair.)
And you were everywhere
I woke up in the ditches. I hit the light and I thought you might be here but you were nowhere.
Well, you were nowhere at home.

As I lay me back to sleep
Lord I pray that I can keep

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
Well, I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

(Just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night.)

inebriated.

2004-10-10T02:04:00.000-07:00

I dont really drink that often, so the fact that I get pretty buzzed is pretty rare to say the least. Tonight was one of those nights. It's true what they say about alcohol bringing out the truth in someone. It's also true about the fact that alcohol gives you the courage to do things you wouldn't do in normal circumstances.

For instance, the Lorenzo men serenaded our lovely cousin/sister for her birthday.
Me singing in front of anybody is always a big deal for me. It takes alot for me to get up in front of people. I also sang duet with the hot bartender. Of course all these things would not have happened had I not been drinking.

I'm still feeling the after effects of the night.

good times shared by all.

NEW ZEALAND!(if you don't know what this means, you just had to be there)

my promise to keep active

2004-10-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

So I got this pedometer...hoping to walk, run, or jog 10000 steps a day. Well, today was my first day, and I only took 4500 steps. Which you can see is more than half below my goal. The good news is that I've walked at least a couple miles today. They say the average New Yorker walks approximately 5 miles a day. Since I can't live in New York, I might as well walk as they do.

All of this, is of course to keep my cardio up between gym visits. I've recently found out that a large part of shopping is walking. Wish me luck!

insane in the membrane

2004-10-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to blog for awhile now but I just can't seem to put my thoughts into words. Emotions are high at the moment and I feel like frustration's been nipping at my heels. The worst feeling in the world is feeling helpless. It has always been a a very deep fear of mine. And I'm afraid, that right now, I am experiencing one of the most frightening times in my life.

It's not like it's a life and death matter or anything. Well, at least not in the conventional sense. The truth of the matter is, everything is going great actually. I'm doing well in school. I gradutate next year. I've started a new job that can prove to be very profitable as well as exciting. I've made a whole list of goals that I can't wait to get started. So, in short, life is good.

But it's not enough it seems. There's a much larger part of me that has been left void for quite some time now and I've managed to ignore it here and there. But recent events have surfaced these old wounds and broken dreams, so much in fact that I can't think of anything else.

Just call it a temporary weakness of will or sanity.
To be quite honest I think it's the latter of two.

2004-10-03T01:10:00.000-07:00

likewhoa
Originally uploaded by akoni86.

No excuses

2004-09-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

I've been quite busy these passed couple weeks. It's mainly due to the fact that I am no longer working for San Mateo County. And I've been catching up with everything that was put on the backburner. Anyhow, I just figured how to use my phone to blog. So if ur reading this, guess what? It works! Ok, that's all for now. Ciao!

so sweet.

2004-08-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

my co-workers pitched in for a nice going away lunch for me. i've only been here a little bit less than half a year, and I've grown quite attached to everyone. I've noticed that with jobs in the past, it's always the people that I have missed most after leaving.

SO HOTT!!!

2004-08-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

You know what's hotter than the weather outside? Miss Brenda Lowe from Florida, that's what.

I have one word to describe that I'm feeling right now. And that word is...OUCH!

the notice is in

2004-08-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

One week from today will be my last day with the govt. It's been quite an adventure over here and I'm a bit saddened to leave. I've grown attached to my coworkers and I feel like I'll be leaving some good friends.

But life goes on as the saying goes. As soon as I get some time off, I think I might do some travelling.

It's been decided...well, pretty much.

2004-08-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

After some thinking over the weekend about my job, I've made a decision. Unfortunately, I don't want to say what it's about til I make it official. But not to worry, it will all be for the best.

It's been pretty strange since last week for me. I can't really explain what it is exactly, but all I can say is that some part of me is bringing up old memories and feelings. There are times when I just can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head. I haven't felt this way in years and I'm not quite sure why I'm feeling it now. Maybe it's because of all the weddings, housewarmings, and showers I've been attending. Yeah, that's probably it. Whatever the case, I just hope it's some kind of phase.

anti-climatic

2004-08-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

I've been pumped since the acing of my InfoSys final. But I've got a new schedule that I'm not that happy about. I knew something was gonna KJ my mood.

I've been also worried about someone dear to me. She's going through a rough time right now. Please pray for her.

It seems as if everyone close to me is bearing heavier crosses these days.
It's a bit disheartening to know everyone I care about are not as happy as they should be.

breaking in new shoes

2004-08-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

It's different. Working the swing shift gives me the opportunity to sleep in a bit. Although I love getting up later, I realize that by the time I get out of work, it's pretty much too late to do anything. Oh well, there's always a trade off I guess.

new beginnings

2004-08-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm working nights now. It's the change I was waiting for. Not only do I get to stay up later, but I get to wake up when my body feels like it. We'll see how this turns out. From what I hear, the swing shift is a bit slower than the day. I'll be able to study a bit more and get some homework done.

sleepless in san mateo

2004-08-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

no sleep. no work done. I just hope I make it through the day.

because weekends were made for fun.

2004-08-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

Jumping music, slick deejays, fog machines and laser rays. Well, I'm not exactly sure about the laser rays, but throw in some dirt, and a bunch of little kids, you'll have my weekend.

Friday was productive to say the least. I ran a bunch of errands. So instead of having 2 million things to do, I have 1 million. At night, went to the city with Joanne for a little dancing and beverages. I couldn't party too hard because I knew that I would be doing the same thing the following day. Interestingly enough, I ran into an old friend at the club. It's been almost 13 years since I've last seen Marissa. Turns out, she's getting married pretty soon and she's doing well.

It always hits me a little when I see people from my past. Especially if they used to be girls I once liked. It reminds me of my teenage years. Everything seemed so important. Emotions were on a constant state of flux. Years actually felt like years. Every grade of school was its own self-contained lifetime. Unlike now, the years, heck even the decades, seem to blur into one single year.

To add to my sense of mortality, I went to my cousin Ella's engagement party in the city. Nice cozy place off Natoma and 2nd. It was good to see old faces again. I totally forget how many people I met through Ella. There are her high school friends which I always had a crush on. Mercy B. always had the cuties. Then there are her SCU peeps. Had it not have been for KAI, I would've gone to Santa Clara. Who knows what I'd be doing now. But anyways, it was great time had by all.

I just wish I hadn't drank as much as I did that night. I payed for it dearly the following morning. Got a couple hours sleep and got up for 7:30am mass. Ouch. It was pretty brutal, but I managed to stay awake the whole time.

After mass, Jenna and I went to Cupertino to work the Yahoo! corporate family picnic. Jessica scored a cool gig to provide the Yahoo children with entertainment. Kinda like Circus Circus, but on a smaller scale. My booth was the ring toss. It was quite fun and cute watching tiny kids playing the games. One little girl, maybe 2-3 years old kept on yelling "Power!" while she threw the bean bags. Funny.

So yeah, it was quite a long weekend. I'm still paying for it as we speak. All that bending around took it's toll on me. My quads and ass are sore as frick. Oh well. Nice workout I guess. A massage sounds good right about now.

longing.

2004-07-30T13:43:00.000-07:00

I was watching some trivia show today and one of the questions was about a Chilean poet. I immediately thought of Pablo Neruda. And of course, that's exactly who they were talking about. If I ever had a favorite poem, this would be it.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

my angel.

2004-07-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

I am so smitten with her!
So much that I've spent the passed 3 hours searching for the peferct pic of Miss Knightly on the internet. She's such an angel. There's something about her that just makes go gaga. I think it has to do with her britishness or her biteyness. And what I mean by biteyness is that she has this drop-dead cute way of biting. It's neither an underbite nor an overbite. It's just a bite, the perfect bite actually. Hence the term "bitey".

revampin.

2004-07-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

How do you like the new paint job? I figured it was time for some change to this boring ol blog. Everything's temporary until I finally redesign my site. I need help. ahem. I'm planning on putting some films I've done on the site as well as some pictures. Who knows I'll put there. Any ideas?

sunrise sunset

2004-07-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

I've been quite in a daze since my last blog entry. This is due to a certain movie I saw last week. This movie has been haunting me all week so I had to see it twice. This movie is Before Sunset.

I can distinctly remember the first time I watched the predecessor of this film, Before Sunrise. It was 7 years ago. I was living my dreams and was ready to face the world. Although I was experiencing some confusion at the time, I was still filled with optimism. This movie was the embodiment of my own life and my dreams of love.

For those of you who haven't seen Before Sunrise, I suggest that you do. And right away. If it's the first thing you get to do on your free time, the better! You need a quick synopsis?
Boy meets girl on a train.
Quick enough for you? I don't want to give too much away.

I've always found myself relating to a particular show or movie. During my teen years, I've always connected with the Wonder Years. Not only were Kevin and Winnie my age, but they also were going through the exact same thing I was. Before Sunrise, on the other hand, has been a life poem about my young adulthood. Its funny, but I've never really realized how much I 've changed and stayed the same after all this time. No longer are the crushes and crashes so dramatic. I've learned not to fall in love so easily. And to my own detriment, I've realized that heartbreak is never permanent. This however, does not mean that it doesn't hurt once in awhile. Which brings me back to what real love is? I'd like to reference something from a movie I've seen recently,

"...love you get over in two months, big love you get over in two years, and great love, well great love... changes your life."

Real love does change your life. A part of you will be forever changed from that moment on. For some, it might be an old song that brings back the memories of a first dance. For others it may be reading through some old letters, and feeling the rush of feelings once thought long gone. For me it will always be the scent of red.

Things like these and countless others haunt us for the rest of our lives. I've found myself contemplating what these feelings meant and why they were still so strong. And I've come to realize that it's quite simple actually. They make us feel alive inside. In those moments, we are passion personified. We feel. Whether it be pain or bliss, its still the sweetest.

On that note, I'd like to leave you with a little something I've held close to my heart all these years.

"There are things in life that matter. Things in the past which can't be denied. Winnie Cooper was part of me. And as long as we lived, I knew I could never let her go"

- we all have our own Winnie Coopers.

I had an epiphany last night.

2004-07-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

I've known something's been brewing inside me these passed few months, but I just never knew what exactly. Out of nowhere, everything just came together. It's a bit disconcerting to "find" myself, considering I never knew I was lost in the first place.

I'm afraid to say that this life-changing realization, as important as it is, isn't the the best of news. Don't get me wrong, it's not that bad either.   The fact of the matter is, everything is the same, but also very different. But more importantly, everything is very clear.

It's as if I've finally discovered the meaning to life only to find out I had no idea what to do with the answer.

Anyways, it's a new day...and it's feeling a bit surreal. I'm still feeling the lingering effects of my euphoric but melancholy epiphany and it's been playing games with me all day.

I have the comfort that my dreams still exist, and that I am still capable of loving the way I've always have. Granted, there are numerous reasons that those same feelings will probably stay with me and stay buried. But at least they're real. For along time there, I began to really doubt that I'd ever feel love again.

Love is the an old friend coming back from a trip with our as bond strong as ever. And just like that, I know I must let that friend go once more.

So here I am, left here with a bittersweet feeling. I'm filled with the joy of seeing my old my friend again but also the sadness of knowing I have to say goodbye.  Part of me feels comfort in knowing that love will always be there. It exists for me and is still alive.

My only recourse now is to move on. Find happiness in other ways.   Part of me will always long for once was. But that is life. Maybe in time, I'll learn to settle and nurture that love into something amazing. But I will always believe that true love never dies.

Love is grand. Love is unforgettable. Love endures.
Who needs time machines when you have memories to take you their instantly.

two days in a row

2004-07-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

What's this? An actual consecutive post? Yes it is. Consider it my poor attempt to keep my promise of blogging on a regular basis.

It's Friday. I love Fridays. I think it's because friday is the most optimistic day of the week. It's like the feeling you get when you're next in line for something. Cuz we all know how much it sucks to be at the back of the line. Next is next. And it's wonderful. If I had to designate an actual feeling for Friday it would have to be Happy Anticipation or Positive Anxiety.

So, you're probably wondering why I'm so excited. Well, to be quite honest. Absolutely no reason at all. I guess I'm like the rest of the people who aren't so happy with their jobs, that any freedom away is pure bliss. But let's not get into that.

I saw my very first girlfriend last night. I was with my cousins eating at In-N-Out, and I ran into her. It was quite startling because I was thinking of her earlier in the week. Not that I was thinking of her only, but more like my childhood and how I missed it. I feel that these days, my feelings are bit more controlled, and to an extent, subdued. When I was younger, I felt as if I was more passionate. Not just about girls, but pretty much towards life. I hungered for things much more. But then again, life was much more simpler then. Anyhoo, it was nice seeing Marie again. I haven't seen her for more than a few years. We talked a little before her food came. And I'm glad that she's doing well and she's still the same girl I've known since kindergarden. It's funny how you never realize how much you miss someone until you see them again.

It was nice thinking back to how I used to be about love. I can understand how easy it is for people to give up on finding their ONE. People get hurt and jaded and end up settling for number 2 or 3 or even 17. These "settlers" then wonder where all their passion has gone and always feeling something empty in their lives.

So on that note, I'd like everyone to raise their cups of coffee or water bottles, or beverage containers for a small toast...

Here's to everyone finding their passion.

reawakening

2004-07-15T15:14:00.000-07:00

Since I'm at a new job that allows me to be in front of a computer all day, I thought this would be the perfect time to start blogging again. How many restarts has this been? Who knows. The main reason I fail to keep my journal up to date is due to the fact that I have so much to say and hardly the time to jot it all down.

Well, let's do one of my infamous lists shall we...

1. Going to a new school - finishing up my MIS degree at Univ. of San Francisco

2. Got a new job - Govt. Slave (I never thought I could say "Hey, I work for Mr. Schwarzenegger")

3. Got a new car - it's my new baby. By the way, that new Mr. Clean carwash thingy is dope!

4. Got a new girlfriend (you all know her as Miss Knightley) My ex Kate is too busy being a vampire or vampire hunter, depends on the movie.

5. Been living in a hotel since my Birthday which was 4 months ago.( just moved back home last tuesday)

I'm sure there's way more to it than that, but that's the top things off the top of my noggin.
I'm gonna try hard to keep this updated. Wish me luck.

2004-02-21T06:43:00.000-08:00

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words...."

Well, we know how that goes right? All I wanna say is, whoever came up with that saying is a liar. Cuts and bruises heal eventually but sometimes a word can hurt much deeper.

We all have people in our lives that know us inside and out. These are the same people who have the ability to get you to question your very self. Of course they don't do it to be spiteful. But just to help. I guess, they're the ones who call you out on stuff other people are too scared to. I mean, who else would know you better than them right?

Turns out. I'm a bitter person. I have a negative outlook on life. At least that's what I've been told. The weird part about that is that I had absolutely no idea I was this way. I mean don't get me wrong, I have irritations and problems with my life. But who doesn't? In fact I always felt I was optimistic by nature.

So, here lies my dilemma...now I have to figure out why I'm so negative...even though I never knew I was negative.

I know people who are negative. And I can't stand being with those people...they are like vampires. They suck your energy. They don't like being alone with their unhappiness so they suck ur happiness as well. I'd hate to think that people see me in the same light and hate being around me...

Oh well...

Anyways, on a lighter note...Check out this CD! clickme

2004-02-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a break hasn't it party people?!

2003-06-26T22:18:00.003-07:00

It's OVER! NO MAS ESCUELA PARA MI!

(Noby on the left giving his thumbs up, Albert and Anneke reliving their on-screen romance, and here we see Noby, Nate and Trev throwing up their signs! Redding whut!

OH MY! WAS IT HOT OR WHAT?!?!?!

This pic was taken from inside my car after class today @ 5:30 PM for gosh sakes! That's late afternoon people.
It was actually 104 degrees but it went down a couple when I turned on the AirCon.

2003-06-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to anthonychris.com!

For some of you...this may be your first time on here. It's really quite nothing special.
But thanks for dropping by and being one of the first people to visit the re-opening of anthonychris.com!
Woo-hoo!

Okay now that that's over...just a little recap on my life since my last blog.

1) I've produced 2 films, edited 4, and shot 2 all in a matter of a couple months.

2) got one of those films into a film festival

3) got a new 12" powerbook

4) got a new video camera, nothing special...just to capture footage with

5) increased my DVD collection to about 260, about 30 of which...i actually watch on a regular basis
(Chasing Amy, Rounders, Swingers, Family Guy Season 1&2, Band of Brothers, Animatrix, Serendipity to name a few.

6) loss 10 lbs.

7) can play guitar 30% better than before

8) started my own business

9) learned how to make things float and dissappear into thin air

and finally....

10) GRADUATED with TWO count 'em TWO degrees with high honors!
Associate in Arts in Film
Associate in Arts in Liberal Arts - Economics

Whew! Can't wait tell you what I got planned for this summer!!! =?

2003-05-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

So it's been like a month since I've blogged. Alot has happened, I'm happy to say that I can breathe alot easier now. Granted, I am far from being in the clear. I got a few presentations and projects left to do before I graduate. If all goes well I'll be getting 3 degrees this spring. That's right folks, THREE. For sure, I know I'll be getting an AA in FILM and AA in LIBERAL ARTS - ECONOMICS emphasis. Hopefully, I might be able to pull off getting another AA in FILM w/ TV emphasis.

If you're wondering what I've been up to...it'll take a while to catch up. brb.

2003-04-22T23:47:00.001-07:00

I was bored at school today...

I'm pretty sure I had something to say tonight. But I can't remember it for the life of me. I pretty much ran a ton of errands today. And I feel kinda at peace. Which is kinda weird...I think I strive to be stressed. And when I'm at rest and I don't have one more thing to do, I get restless and blankheaded. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm always looking forward to my next project...or my the next thing to do on my "things to do list of life".

I suggest that to everyone. Set away some time for yourself, get comfortable...get out a pen and a piece of paper...and just start writing everything you ever wanted to do in your life.
Pay no attention if it's possible or not, just write it anyway. When you finally can't think of anything else...sit back and read em. You'll start to realize a lot of those things aren't that impossible. All you gotta do is pick one to start on. And believe me, by the time you got a few of em checked, it gets pretty addicting. Pretty soon, you'll be a goal junkie!

2003-04-21T18:12:00.005-07:00

Melding of Minds

So me and the fellas got together today to come up with our next big film. It's one of the only times we're all in the same class, so it'd be only fitting to do a film with everyone. Nate, Trevor, Noby, Noel, Albert, and myself were in attendance.

This sidekick is way kool. I think I'm going to start a picture diary as well. So expect to see the other randomness of my daily meanderings.
Oh yeah... Happy Easter everybody!

2003-04-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

I ALMOST GOT CRABS AT THE MOVIE THEATRES!

Before you start having images of me checking myself into the free clinic for VD, I'm talking about the "crab mentality" that we, as Asians, seem to get. When some other Asians rise up, be it in any form, we have an inate tendancy to bring them down. Part of this comes from our own pride. WE believe that if someone else can do it, so can we...if not better.
This kind of thinking is quite destructive and harmful to our community. We must support eachother when one of us rises above the ranks and breaks through the glass ceiling.

I myself fell for this little trap of crustaceous thought. There's this film that's recently been released by MTV films. You may all know of it. Better Luck Tomorrow. I have to admit that, I wasnt at all that hyped to see it at first. My thoughts were this...just another Asian-American film ABOUT Asian-Americans that only catered to Asian-Americans, complete with stereotypical cracks at accents, foods, and other customs we've all poked fun at during our Filipino/Asian club culture nights.

BUT I was totally wrong...this movie is different. Not only was this film well written,but it was also well casted. Sure, they're all Asian, but they didn't walk around with it on their sleaves. These characters couldve been any race and the movie couldve worked just as well. I'd catch myself watching the film and totally forget that these are Asians; they just become people who have problems. And that's what movies are about...they're about people with problems and what they do about it. How do they deal with it? Heck, DO they even deal with it in the first place? I don't want to give to much away about the film so just watch it!

As I watched this movie, I saw pieces of my growing up in it...and damn Justin Lin for beating me to the punch!

AC=P
a simple sore loser

2003-04-09T16:36:00.000-07:00

It took me awhile to get my Sidekick configured...but yay it works! Now I can take pics from my sidekick whenever and wherever I am and post them on my blog! Good stuff!
This pic was taken at Jiselle's bday party this weekend.

2003-04-04T01:19:00.000-08:00

What is real???
41 days and counting...

Just a little recap for all you folkers out there...I finished all my 7 papers, that's right 7! And I aced em...and I ended up getting all As for the quarter. Woohoo, or as Chandler would say Wapahhh!

So what did I do to celebrate my Mt. Everest-like achievement? I bought a new miniDV camera at the Apple Store on clearance. I got the new T-mobile Sidekick. This thing is dope. You can check email, go on AIM, take pictures, do other PDA stuff...oh yeah, and use it as a phone too! I love this thing. Also, I bought the new Gameboy Advance SP, the platinum one. Oh man..this is by far one of the best days ever!!! Too bad it took me 2 days to post about it

2003-04-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

News just in...

4.0 BABY!!!!!!

I think I'm gonna buy a powerbook to celebrate! and the Gameboy Advance SP!
Thank God for gettting me through finals and for that financial aid check I got in the mail the other day...

Life is good...

2003-04-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

I AM SO FRICKING DONE!

now i can relax...

2003-03-29T14:57:00.000-08:00

Heartbroken at Cheesecake Factory #1

Well not really...

So Myra and I and the rest of the Lorenzo cousins went to Cheesecake for our joint bday celebration. The SanJo Cheesecake has the worst setup ever. You gotta wait in line to give your name, then come back after an hour just to get a pager thingy...THEN, wait another 2 hours to get paged and seated. Good thing I was hungry. Lent. No meat. Argh.

Anyways, while walking to our seats...I noticed the really cute waitress who was serving the table next to ours. She was way my type. Sweet, Extremely cute...and in seconds I saw our future together. Everything from spending our 4th Christmas with eachother to going to Walmart at 3am just to look at the DVDs and buy hairgel. LOL. I know, "daym AC! Slow your ass down!" It's not like I plan it out. It just kinda hits me in a kind of rush like all in one second.

Back to the point..so I made it clear to the rest of my party that I thought she was "coo" (my way of saying she's cute/hot/adorable). Later on in the evening... a cousin who was a bit buzzed ran up to her and asked her if he could take a picture of her with me...and like it was my bday and all. I know huh?! How embarrasing...
But maybe I can use this towards my advantage.... So after eating dinner and ordering our cheesecakes, I walked over to her and said the following:

"Excuse me, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment...Well, I wanted to apologize for my cousin earlier. You see he was a bit buzzed, and I mentioned that I thought you were cute, and well....he kinda just took things in his own hands."
"Oh..that's okay=) I understand."
"I just hope you weren't too embarrassed...oops, I'm AC by the way..."
"I'm Therese...nice to meet you. It's okay, really it is..." (Boy was she sweet!)

I won't go over the inevitable shutdown...but in short...I asked her if she wouldnt mind me calling her, and I got the "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend, I'm so flattered" line. But I did get the "but have a Happy Birthday!"
haha...thanks! I definitely will now=Þ

P.S. My cuzins + Uncle O & Aunti Nanci rock! Dru & Grace, thanks for coming out and hookin it up with chambo!

2003-03-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

I've just had the most uneventful birthday by far...

All I did yesterday was work on two essays and study for my final and oral presentation. The highlight of the night was when I went in front of the class and told them I was doing my research paper about the process I went through doing the research paper. Yes folks, straight out of Adaptation. And today, school's over for me..but I still have to turn in a handful of late essays. yuck!

But oh well...it's not all that bad. Thanks all you guys for the warm bday greetings. It means alot. I love you guys.

2003-03-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

If you're wondering what I'm doing today for my birthday...I'm doing absolutely nothing. I have two finals and one oral presentation to do...woohoo! Lucky me!

2003-03-20T13:47:00.000-08:00

"Regime" is the word of the day.

I've heard that word over 40 times today and it's only noon. Why can't it be Iraqi peeps or Iraqi governement...something like that. Change it up a bit. Regime this, regime that...I've decided, I don't like that word.

Back to more important things. I haven't slept since Sunday night. It's scaring me. I heard somewhere in Tibet, monks stay awake 24/7 but take like 30 minute naps every 2 hours. Well, I'm not quite like that yet. But I just know my body is getting really mad at me.
There is good news though. The Adapted shoot went really well yesterday. One of the tighter ships I've served on. Got the footage back today, and I can't wait to see it. I worked on the Hip Hop vid for Linda all night last night. I finally finished this morning right on time to hand it to her before her class.
One more shoot tomorrow for Tired, hope that runs smoothly as well. And then maybe, just maybe...I can get a little rest this weekend.
Boy do I need a BJ. Any takers? Only females apply please. =)

2003-03-15T12:56:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how things just fall together sometimes??

(skip this if ur in a hurry)
For instance, I was typing a paper for my pseudo-english class on a Friday night no less. My teacher's "cool" like that. Paperless class, all online. So anyway, it being Lent and all, and since we Catholics practice abstaining from eating meat on Fridays, I was mad hungry. Living off Filet-O-Fishes after awhile can kill any appetite for fish. And since I don't like fish to begin with...you get the point. So I'm waiting for midnight, because then it'll be Saturday, and I can get mah meat on. Me and my cousin go out for a food run and since his ass gave up fast food for lent...no dice on the Jack. What's the only non-fast food place open at 1am. That's right my friends...good ol' Lenny's. That's Denny's for you youngins who've never seen a Denny's commercial. So while were there, Matthew (my cousin) sees a friend and we end up sitting with his little crew. Turns out I know one of the dudes. I used to work with him when I bartended at Roma's. He was a busser back then, now he's a trainer.

(start here if you skipped above)
So we're sitting there, and John, the dude who worked with me at Roma's, goes "Hey, remember Michelle Cowles?" Let's just say, Hell the frickin yeah! She was the main reason why I stayed in the job in the first place. Boy was she fine. Like really fine. Oh man. I used to do the stupidest things for her. I ran her food for her. WTF? A bartender running a servers food. I'd bus her tables. And in the end, when she'd tip me out...I'd give it back to her and say "It's okay...I didn't even serve any drinks for you..." You see, as a bartender, I only got tipped out by servers depending on whether or not I made any drinks for them. Being the day bartender...I hardly made drinks. Except for the alkies. No drinks, no tips.

Point is...I do stupid shit for girls. I go over and backward for them. Case in point, I'm busy as frick already and I can hardly find the time to think. I just said okay to the STATS girl to help her out on her speech video.
What is wrong with me?

2003-03-12T15:38:00.000-08:00

Attraction is like a match.

Well in my case, it's more like a box of matches. So here's the deal folks, everytime I see her, it's like lighting a match, and after those moments are shared, the match burns itself out. So you see, every single time I see her, it's one more match that ignites. And like all matches, some initially light up brighter than others, and some burn out quicker than others.

But what happens when I start running out of matches? I need something to carry on the flame like some paper or wood; I need something more substantial. But if there's nothing, and I see her less and less, then all I'm left with is a empty little matchbox.
I'm that matchbox...

How can something grow into something greater if it never leaves the seed?

2003-03-07T04:56:00.000-08:00

HOLY SHIZ!
It's 5 in the morning! For those of you who know me, I NEVER ever wake up this early. Usually the only way that I'm up at this hour would be because I stayed up all night. I have a thing for waking up, my body likes to do it on it's own. Well, here I go...off to the shoot, I'll be back in 18 hours. Oh my gawd.

2003-03-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

I guess you all can tell when I have a BIG deadline...I'm usually MIA for a few days. I JUST finished editing my film...Geez it only took 4 days...round the clock. I can feel my body breaking down. Its like in those movies where the hero uses every last bit of strength to defeat the "insert enemy here" and in the end he dies too, because he gave it his all. Well, that's kinda how I feel right now. Sitting in a chair for 24+++ hours can't be good for you.

On the lighter side of things...I only have 2 more films to work on this quarter. And both of them I'm producing, oops, and editing one of them. But I think I'll take a break from directing. That shit's a load and half. I really hope my group likes the film. I think I worked harder on this film than any other I've ever worked on. I guess it means alot...since it's my baby. I've seen it grow from a small joke into the movie it is today.

If you're wondering...I don't have any new news about...u know.

2003-02-28T06:21:00.000-08:00

"The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected" - the fortune I got at lunch yesterday.

I'm not the type to look into things too much. Okay maybe I am a little. But, this fortune seemed to resonate in my thoughts a little stronger than usual for some reason . I guess it had alot to do with who I had lunch with. But back to the point. Don't you think the fortune is a contradiction within itself? If I prepare for the unexpected, then wouldn't that mean that the unexpected is now the expected? I mean, that's the whole meaning of the word. UN-expected. It's like trying to forget something you already know. The more you try to tell yourself to forget something...the more you can't forget it.

Well anyways, I know I'm a bit vague about who this mystery girl is. And I'm sure she'll never read this. But for some reason, I can't find the guts to put it up. Maybe it's because, I feel like...that if I say her name...I might as well tell her myself. And at the present moment, I'm not ready to. I'm kinda liking this admiring from afar approach.
That's new, haha (yeah right).

I was this close to asking her out yesterday...but me spilling sauce on my shirt kinda ruined that plan. Well, she did dab the stain for me. And maybe because I was caught up in the euphoria of her touch, I temporarily lost all sense of time and space. Boy am I smitten.

Speaking of smitten, she wore mittens today, how cute is that?

2003-02-27T11:39:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, it's been a couple days...Let's catch up shall we? You ever get the feeling you're playing catch up with life? Well, imagine that feeling but instead of gaining, you're falling more and more behind. Sorta like a conveyor belt that keeps on bringing on shit to do no matter how much you can't keep up.
I'm gonna drop STATS after all. I've given up all hope on my teacher. He is by far the worse teacher I've ever encountered. Maybe when I was younger, he would've been the best teacher in the world. Easy grade. But I'msa growing up now and I actually WANT to learn something. And since this class is sorta related to my major, I think it's an important thing to comprehend.
Too be quiet honest, there's only one reason to stay in the class...but as the cliche says, I don't know if she even knows I exist. Ok. Ok. I won't go that far. She knows I exist. But, I'm trapped in the dreaded FriendZone.
In the words of Shortround(small chinese boy from Indiana Jones)
"No time for love, Dr. Jones!"
Ain't that the truth.

2003-02-24T23:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my dear friend came over today so I could help her with her project. Spent most of the day editing...fun time shared by all. There's some people in your life who make a lasting impression.
Went to school today only to find out there wasn't any school for EVERYBODY. Apparently, the power was out all over the city due to the thunderstorms. It took me about 35 minutes to get out of the parking lot, cuz all the signal lights were out. It was a slow crawl. I moved a bout two car spaces in 10 minutes. Rediculous I tell you.

Lately I've been thinking...If I like soft-porn, am I chick? Due to my no-having-network-television-because-I-have-a-sattelite-dish ass, I've been watching alot of Cinemax. Usually my tv's set to Discovery or History Channel, but Cinemax got some hott stuff. Okay, I'm a perv. So what.

2003-02-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

I spent the whole day yesterday editing two projects. One was for an actor I met on Shinya's shoot. And the other one was for a good friend of mine. So yeah, I didn't get to bed til 5 this morning again.
I swear I'm part vampire cuz I haven't seen the sun in a couple weeks. Luckily, I have yet to crave the taste of blood. So all is safe my fellow mortals, for now that is...
Muahahahahahaha!

2003-02-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

Four shoots in the can. One was cancelled. So, I'm pretty much done as far as shootings are concerned. Now I gotta do my editing jobs. I'm kinda liking this jack-of-all-trades thing I've got going on. Directing this, Editing that, being cinematographer for that...it's kinda cool. It's a good way to feel around and see which one I really take to.
I wasn't able to make it to my buddies' b-day bash in the city, I didn't get out til one and I by the time I'd make it to the city, it would be over. Boy was I tired...I crashed right when I got home.

2003-02-22T04:34:00.000-08:00

2 down.

2003-02-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

1 shoot down, 4 to go. Woke up at the buttcrack of dawn...boy do I hate waking up when it's still dark. How can you feel "good morning" when all you wanna do is "good night". The sun's suppose to be up. And if it isn't, it's still night in my book.
Tonight, we'll be shooting at 49er main office. I don't know why actually, just that we are. haha.
I hope we get done a bit sooner. I still have 2 projects to edit.

Happy Friday all!

2003-02-21T00:37:00.000-08:00

Another weekend...I have 5 shoots between now and Monday. Oh my! I gotta wake up early for 2 nights straight, and I hate that! 3 shoots Friday. 1 super far-off shoot somewhere near Merced (3 hrs. away) on Saturday only to go straight to a party that night. And one more on Sunday for my project. Wish me luck!

P.S. I'm planning on putting up all my films for streaming once I get em all captured from my miniDVs. If there's anyone out there who's really savvy at web design, and interested in helping a bruddah out, hit me up!

2003-02-20T15:34:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, thanks for commenting guys! I changed my comment provider to squakbox since it's free and also customizable. Too bad I lost all the other comments...errr

2003-02-20T12:28:00.000-08:00

So...I'm here at school. I finished my lab early, and I got some time to kill. Oh yeah, about what I posted in my previous blog...I'm beginning to believe all my efforts are all for naught. The more I see her, the more I get the distinct feeling that maybe it's possible that someone is THAT sweet and THAT nice. The reason I say this is because, I've been noticing I'm not the only one she treats like this. Maybe I'm not so special after all. I hate being Duckie, why can't I be the Jake Ryan. Excuse the John Hughes references. It's a bit perplexing to say the least. There's like this curse that's been hanging around. I always seem to fall for the wrong girls...the ones with boyfriends.

I guess it's time for me to JUST concentrate on school. This being infatuated business has become quite the "pebble in the shoe" in my scholastic endeavors. Plainly stated, this shit's messin up mah grades!

2003-02-20T00:14:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, the things you do for love....Or in my case, the chance for love.
Did you notice that the moment you finally admit to yourself that you like someone, a part of you becomes a bit scared of them.
For instance, there's a feeling of anxiety whenever they aren't around. And when they are around, the butterflies mess with you and your mouth can't seem to catch up with all the thoughts going on in your head all at the same time. It's as if you plug one two many plugs in an outlet and certain appliances stop working.
The time until you see them again seems to last for ages. I find myself thinking of all things I want tell her and all the questions I want to ask. Lately, I feel like I've been grasping at straws just finding an excuse to spend time with her. Whether it's to study, walk her to her next class...heck even helping on her projects. That's not mentioning all the other projects/work I have to do just for myself.
I'm a bit at a curious time in my life. It's almost 2 years since I've last had a girlfriend, which is by far the longest drought I've been through. But who's counting right?!
Oh well...

2003-02-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

Seeing that I haven't written in couple days could only mean that I've been way too busy. I actually had 3 shoots this weekend, one on Saturday, another on Sunday, and also one on Monday. They all turned out pretty well and were very productive for the most part.
I've given myself an ultimatum about my STATS class. If by some miracle, my teacher learns how to teach in the next couple weeks, I'll stay. But looking at how he qualifies as one of the worse teachers around, I might as well start filling out my drop form.
I have to admit, there is one reason why I can't leave that class. But I won't get into that. That's another bag a beans. Let's just say, I'm enamored more than ever. And if I get one more hug after class, I'm going to explode!

Ok back to sleep for me! See ya at noon.

2003-02-16T18:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, was pretty eventful for the most part. I had a film shoot at around 4ish with Kurt to get more footage for The Rest Area. I got up around noonish as usual I think. I typed up a quick shot list and made some revisions to the script. Luckily, I was able to talk Brian into helping out on the shoot. I needed some "stunt feet" and a lighting guy. So yeah, Brian came over to meet up so we could both head to Cupertino for the shoot. Can you believe it, Jerry Seinfeld was actually at DeAnza College last night. I thought that was kinda cool that while was filming, some famous comedian is like less than a hundred feet away.

Well anyways, back to my house....so I walk downstairs, and I see a really pretty girl in my living room. Our eyes meet, she smiles, I smile. And all the time I 'm thinking...who is she? What she doing here? but mostly...Daym, she was downstairs this whole time, and now I gotta leave. Well, we "shared a moment" a few more times...but my stupid ass could only say hi. I guess what's bothering me is that....she was the kind of girl I couldn't tell what her age was. I mean, especially nowadays, 16-30..you can hardly tell. You girls frinkin shop at the same stores!!! How can you expect us guys to tell? The youngbucks wanna look more mature. And woman wanna look more youthful...Geez. I kinda wish you girls wore little signs around your necks saying how old you were.

So I've developed a little formula: O(A) - 4(Y) = R(A)
which translates to: (the oldest age you think the girl is) - (four years) = (her real age)
EX: 24 - 4 = 20, 20 - 4 = 16, 22 - 4 = 18...etc
You get the point. Try it sometime.

The shoot went pretty well considering all the rain. And chilling at a rest area at night, in a parked car with dudes is not the best thing to do on a Saturday night. We got some footage, and now I think I have enough to put something together.

Brian and I went to D&Bs, Wes and Ana invited me to kick it with them and their friends. We spent most of the night chopping it up and seeing peeps from high school. I hate the fact that there are far more dudes know me than girls. Oh how I wish I'd get more girls coming up to me and saying "AC! remember me?"
I invented one of the best party games that night...It was a spectacle to see. That's all I have to say about that.

2003-02-15T01:18:00.000-08:00

Well being the "Serial Bachelor" that I am...and it being V-day and all, I had no special plans with anyone special so why not go out wid the other 2/4 of Cuz'n Henno. We decided to watch Ben's new flick, Devil of Dares. The only highlights of the movie would be Ms. Alias herself, and Jon "You're so money, you don't even know it" Favreau. Ben was aight, good work with wirework; I could tell he put a lot of practice for the fight scenes. I'm kinda jaded when it comes to movies nowadays. I didn't care much for the action sequences and I found myself looking forward to the repartee between Ben and Favreau. Jen Garner is such hot piece of Elektricity! Muchos Natchios!

Well Saturday, I should be shooting more footage for The Rest Area. I hope I get most of it. Geez, I should actually storyboard these shots. But since I can't draw worth shiz...I usually don't. As for Sunday, I got two shoots lined up. One is in the city...and another one's in Redwood City. I can pretty much say that over 2/3 of all films have been shot in RC. And about a fourth of them in parking garages in RC. I see a theme formulating. And I'm also shooting Monday night as well. Busy busy weekend.

2003-02-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

Well I've seen a thousand things in one place
but I stopped my counting when I saw your face
erasing memory I feel as though I've never seen a face before
until I saw your eyes smiling back at me thru my tears
I've been counting all these years
Now suddenly the thousand things I've seen were
nothing more than dreams of you and me

You and me quietly at a stand still
fortunately you will kiss me and I'll kiss you back
fact of the matter of is that I don't know what the latter is
that I always wanted to kiss you but
I always wanted to run from you
Because I always wanted to miss you
And that I've always wanted to come for you

So how do you do?

(1000 Things, Jason Mraz)

2003-02-14T01:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, today was a weird day to say the least. I didn't get to bed til like 6 this morning and I got up around 10 to work on my paper. I guess I'm staying in STATS after all. I told myself if I passed my midterm I'd stay, so I'm staying. I never thought I wished I'd fail something. With a workload like the one I have, I don't have time to do anything. I have three shoots this weekend.

Crushing on someone really does take up alot of real estate in "things i do all day" department. For the passed couple of weeks I've been spending more and more time NOT concentrating. I find myself in daydreams and staying up all night with thoughts of her. I'm a bit confused at my present situation. How do you know if someone's interested. What if they're just nice and sweet naturally and they don't mean anything more than that? Lately, I've been feeling more and more like Clark...and she's my Lana Lang. Maybe she just sees me as some super-helper dude and nothing more. Nonetheless, I find that I just enjoy her company more than anything. The weekends feel extra long knowing it'll be a few days until I'll see her again. She's so sweet, funny, oh so charming, adorable...and muy muy muy bonita. Oh mio! Ella tiene mi corazon.
If you're wondering or noticing that Im leaving out names....there's a reason. nuff said.

Oh yeah, almost forgot...Happy V-day!
May you spend all the quality time with your special someone. Or if you're like me, spend the whole day wishing you were.

2003-02-12T14:15:00.000-08:00

Woohoo, after some simple digging...I've found a way for all yous to comment on my mundane thoughts. Lucky lucky! Anyways, I finally got a chance to enjoy my day off and slept til noon. Sweet. Still gotta do a couple papers for tomorrow but I think my brain is finally caught up to the rest of my body, and they're in sync once again.

2003-02-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been about 2 1/2 years since I've written in this darn thing. But after speaking to my two friends Anna and George(tte), I'm convinced that I'm going to try to get this thing started again. I'm so frickin tired, it's way no joke. I got back from the shoot really early in the morning, and I only had a few moments of ZZZs before heading out to school again. You ever had those days where you forget the last time you slept? Well, I think the last real sleep I've had was hmmm... Saturday night, about 11 days ago. That can't be good for you.

2001-10-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday. Woke up late as usual. Downloaded Serendipity, my favorite movie. Frickin Dope!

2001-10-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's another Friday night and I'm at home at the good old computer. What a waste, I should be at a party right now, but I have no way to get there, and I'm straight up broke. I gotta find a job, cuz this no skrill having is getting played out. Well, gotta hit those books!